I found my car keys. Yesterday I was getting ready to go teach a small beginning flamenco dance class when I discovered that I could not find my keys. They were not in the usual places and I thought I’d searched everywhere. The day had been another of little food or rest, smoke in the air from fires and a lot of stress. I had been blending lots of essential oils for the Celtic Festival coming up – a commitment I made months ago – and well, I was pretty strung out. I watched myself from within the dim as the body went into panic and in this state approached one of the people I live with asking if she would be going into town. She happily let me borrow her new car. When I got to the studio I found that two of the three students did not show up. I was grateful to be able to dance.
Once home I remembered that there had been one quiet moment while searching for my keys where I wondered if this wasn’t the universe telling me not to go into town – an ordeal given our long windy potholed dirt road. It has happened that way before, where an obstacle presents itself that takes up time and in that time something comes about to show me my plans must change.
A bit calmer after dance, I started to look for my keys again, but quickly got into an anxious state. I had the presence to get into my feet, into my hips and lower body away from the head and in this way walked to the car once again. I had looked inside the car before, on the floor, the seats. But I just sat down in the driver’s seat and within a breath, saw the key chain dangling from the ignition.
It hadn’t occurred to me to look there. Never did that before. I smiled a deep inner smile upon realizing how my assumptions had created my misery. Further, how beautifully the universe had been responding to my needs as they came up. Had I sat in the car like that in my original search, I’d have made the class. Had I not made it, it would have been just fine. When I thought I needed a car it appeared. My biggest assumption was that things weren’t working in my universe – that something was wrong with me.
I realized that I had been out of body, essentially. Residing in my smaller brain in my head. Right action is a holistic thing. And to be more specific, my state was a reaction to critical voices coming from without. But deep down I know it’s my movie. I can only truly act holistically when this knowledge is alive.
I trust my life just a wee bit more now. I have a good record of landing on my feet dancing. Just have to listen to my own music. There is such cacophony around me sometimes. Caca-phony – ha! Actually, it is not around me but within me. I am breaking habits of self-compromise and doubt. It produces dissonance that takes the shape of words and exchanges – pictures at an exhibition really. Everyone is entitled to paint their own picture. My job is to remember which picture I am painting so that I can give others the freedom to paint away at theirs.
When in doubt, need to get close and quiet enough to hear my own pulse. Dancing does not fail to lift me deep to where I can hear. Dancing is a big key for me. As I sat there in my body in the car smiling it also occurred to me how no one really knows the mystery by saying things about it. Questions and answers are great to a point, but really, the thing is to breathe with the mystery of my own astonishing life. Cheers to all. Happy picture painting.