I have spoken before about the recovery of blacked out memory and the vantage point this has given me for seeing how personality is formed. It is a work in progress. There have been places of thinking that I have recapitulated what is necessary, but then a new wave happens. This has taught me a lot about patience and surrender.
There is a strong experience of the Friend in the unraveling. The Friend, as Rumi puts it, is that force which guides me through experience, keeping me Clear Light bound. Recently I was given marvelous indication of the Friend’s presence – like seeing a part of a long gown wisp around a corner.
I met with Robbert for the first time in years, my stage partner in the Creation Story Verbatim play. When I told him of my most recent wave of recall he said I sounded like a page out a book he’d read and this led me to where I got a big piece of the puzzle. It is a strange thing to be experiencing revelation of this body’s history by reading on the internet, but there it was. Lights flashed and dots got connected.
Some things happened as a child that evidently happened to a lot of people. Though I don’t wish anyone suffering, I do appreciate the fact that I am not alone. And I wish everyone the compassionate guidance that I am fortunate enough to receive on my path. There is an experience of everything being orchestrated to a perfect ripeness, the perfect place of brinksmanship and unfolding for my learning and movement.
I find the dance is such that I am given what is needed when there is a receptive state that this typing rag doll can’t determine for herself; this is again, the Friend’s territory. And the Friend comes in unpredictable guises. Even my restlessness can sometimes cut a key.
What I am given by the recent revelation is a perspective that readily enables forgiveness where I had to work for it before. It also teaches that no matter what, the view is partial, unless I manage to wake up fully, in which case the view ceases to exist as a view altogether. Learning how to live without the need to arrive at a conclusion seems best. Each frame is complete and the practice is in the moment. These life tableaux are of the machine, and I am here to use what is given in my alchemy.
I am given every good reason to hone my discerning skills. There are layers of veils of sleep. The effects of cultural imprints through the media alone are staggering, right along with the biological imperatives that run deep, way deeper than overlaid morals. These stand out in high relief with the recent unveiling. Only in the unveiling do we realize the presence of the veils. So I pray to remain vigilant to this fact. In the Chief Feature run world of celebrity, atrocious crimes, disappearances, terrorism – and yet, hope, it is akin to being at the second stage of transit among the unfriendly guides. Nothing is as it seems. Keep moving toward the Clear Light. And so we shall. If all goes well, I will meet you along the way this Thursday. May 23, at 6 pm PST, on GorebaggTV.
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