Jealousy, the Deathbed Perspective, and Forgiveness

Jealousy, the Deathbed Perspective, and Forgiveness

In a translation from the Aramaic of the Lords Prayer one closes with: “Sealed in trust, faith and truth, I confirm with my entire being.” Trust can sometimes cut a path for us when we place it on what is permanent.One can trust the being part of the human being equation. Yet the primordial being is in a state of perpetual change, from all reports and experience I’ve received. And all this from stillness, mind you. Seems trust, like love, must be without condition to accommodate change of being. We can trust the being to be what it is at any given moment.

In human being love relationship, there is ample opportunity to see where we have placed conditions.If the ultimate love is unconditional, jealousy shows where conditions have been placed.It is a good veil, and a good window at the same time just for its ability to reveal our insecurities, our misguided notions of what love is. Jealousy relies on an assumption that one has an unlimited time on the planet, and that one can be given another person’s lifetime experience.Think about it – if you were given a terminal diagnosis – would you bother with jealousy? Would you choose to cling to jealousy for the remainder of your life? Confronting the fact that we will be leaving everything, every shred of everything behind when we pass offers some perspective. The death bed perspective both widens and narrows things down – there is more space in the freedom of detachment, and what is important comes into sharper focus. It is clear that we are in this thing alone, and yet oddly, what bonds us to others comes with this clarity.

Conditions and agreements people arrive at are not bad in and of themselves.When those conditions and agreements are kept at the expense of what is true, something is eventually going to give, a reality structure will be toppled. Most humans hang within a small bandwidth of experience, unaware of a wider range of perceptual possibility. This narrow field leaves one with little room for constructive, evolutionary response to sudden change under ordinary circumstances. Rising above the kind of conditioning that marks jealousy as an inevitable and thus healthy part of a couple relationship is going to take some extraordinary means. Now, it should be noted that even angels are said to be jealous. It seems to be woven into the fabric of existence, thus it is extremely difficult to clear, but the energy that is released when we confront our own jealousy especially in its subtle forms can offer great fuel for freedom. The pain of jealousy alone is enough to make you want that freedom badly.

Hafiz says that complaint is only possible in the suburbs of God. Jealousy sits at the edges, along the fence of the Garden. Because it is so close to the Garden, it is sometimes mistaken for an attribute. It arises from fear and the anger that follows when one’s sense of reality is shaken to the core. Jealousy is linked to competition. It is described in the Angel’s Healing Journey as opening up paths of lingering uncertainty, and is characterized by distrustful suspicion, clinging to one’s actions, gnawing at the soul.

This body of mine remembers well the electrical jolt at the sight of long blonde hair on my boyfriend’s black bed cover. What pain – like a knife wound that left a gaping hole too big to mend.The only cure was death – death of my persona.I had to shed that particular identity. Betrayal gives the possibility of death and resurrection.The outer circumstances may be the same in one’s life, but change of this nature resurrects life in a new form. That is, unless one chooses to remain in pain, to carry around a dead life form. Our lives will reflect choices made at these junctures.There can be no betrayal without trust, nor trust without love. This is how love can refine. Gradually, we burn away the veils that keep us reaching for the shadow and missing the substance. We begin to hear the subtle dialogue always taking place between us and the Beloved, the one Love behind all other loves.There is a softening effect. Where one is hard and bitter, the medicine was not taken.

I have seen the reaction of jealousy as a means of avoiding intense aliveness, the kind of aliveness that allows one to see openly and appreciate the beauty of another. The kind of aliveness that erases distinction. I was given a situation in which I had to open my heart where it might otherwise have been closed, and I saw that what I was resisting was beauty, tear wrenching beauty. We are all one. And we are looking in a mirror. And we all are individual expressions of Being, a facet of the diamond. The exploration of what we are and what we have to offer the whole is a good use of the attention that is freed up from a changed or broken relationship.

Opening the heart where it is closed is an act of forgiveness. To open the heart is to forgive the dream. To get past the place of jealousy, this heart opening is necessary.When the heart is open criticism is impossible because the brain malfunction that causes us to do a running critique can no longer operate.To open the heart is to accept what is without resistance, at the place of pure being. The maturation of our work will give us discernment in this state of open acceptance. Finding the reconciling force within the heart that removes all barrier, we can forgive the dream. When we can forgive the dream, we can awaken from our sleep.

How do we effectively learn to forgive the dream, to accept what is? How can we use these earth shattering moments for our evolution? We will explore some practical application of these ideas and more on the next Journey to the Heart Show coming up on GorebaggTV/JustinTV this Thursday, February 21 at 6 pm PST.

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About gracekellyrivera

I am a perfumer and an artist of multiple disciplines located in California.
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One Response to Jealousy, the Deathbed Perspective, and Forgiveness

  1. Wildflower says:

    This is so beautifully helpful, it brings such clarity. “And I saw that what I was resisting was beauty, tear wrenching beauty. We are all one. And we are looking in a mirror. And we all are individual expressions of Being, a facet of the diamond”, this is my favorite part. I have found this to be true in my experience.
    Thank you Kelly for sharing this Journey to the heart. ❤

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