I Imageam not sure what moves me to want to write about something so unspeakable, to be honest. As always, I hope that in the telling some good comes to others, to all.

The story as I see it is that in receiving a commission to paint a major work of art the internal palette has been forced to clarify, so that what goes on the canvas is a pure expression of creative force. Like clearing out the flute of any debris so that music can be made. The painting has to do with God, a subject that has drawn me from the time I was old enough to say the word.

No sooner had I started on preparatory studies when a whole new chapter of blacked out trauma memory opened up for me. There is little I can say to convey the process and profound effects produced by such memory recall, integration, and healing.Most people don’t know how to deal with it. Some – healers – are able to be present with the information.

Unsurprisingly, it boils down to presence. In my trauma situation the body was robbed of its normal consciousness, thus the experience of black out. But there was something present, a witness. This witness is capable of integrating the impressions with an impartial wisdom that heals. I have long held the possibility that as a being about to incarnate I knew the many ramifications of this lifetime ride and chose it as the best means of gaining what was needed for the soul’s growth. Experiencing the witness in this way has given me the perspective of that place of Being that serves as a reconciling force.

The signs of Grace are all around us – not least of which is that from dung flowers can grow. From the unspeakable things that happened to me, courage, and most of all, pure consciousness – Presence.

Presence gives every moment an opportunity for freshness. It grants everyone the being-ness to change. Like someone who has known death intimately, everything becomes more precious, and the staleness that can take place between people in everyday familiarity is banished – how can it remain in true presence? The pain that has come with feeling taken for granted is replaced by pity for those who live in that dull place of consciousness.

I’m not going to lie – this is not easy –  ow, I tell you what, ow. The mind can produce so much pain in response to the data being uncovered. But then I am given the Grace to see Grace as the reality and I wouldn’t trade this lifetime for any other. Hope you feel the same.


About gracekellyrivera

I am a perfumer and an artist of multiple disciplines located in California.
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